Antibiotics, Cleansing and COVID-19 #48
This is most likely my last posting until I return ‘in-land’ in early July.
I am at the coast working on my spiritual growth, so I am putting everything possible off other than that.
The Beach
Moving has always been difficult for me and this time was no exception even though I put everything into storage and brought with me to my extended vacation what I needed in a furnished place. Mostly food. I continue to try and eat the way I need to and am frustrated at the increased “sugar added” in the grocery stores.
Most recently? Sugar in fresh Guacamole. Really?
I can go to Europe and eat the same foods without the sugar. Hmmmm…
I am grateful each day as I set out to follow the universe’s crumbs indicating how to proceed with the day.
Being a planner, I have to admit this is a bit uncomfortable for me, although I am getting used to feeling like I’m “wandering around” through life.
It took me two drives to the coast (and a 1-day extension to get out of the apartment) and a solid week to unpack the car as I am up three flights of stairs.
More on the effects of COVID-19
I have decided – this prayer that I got from OA is great – “please increase my desire to move in the direction that is best for me, and decrease my desire to move in the direction that is not” – to leave here the end of June as originally planned (the owner has a booking in July) and to move to Salem. I do intend to buy a trailer after I buy a house so that cat and I can go camping, but I will not be living in an RV.
COVID-19 made that perfectly clear. My desire to be rooted and not have the possibility of being kicked out of an RV park or having to deal with fuel issues just to name a couple of the items that came up made that decision feel easy.
Today I am experiencing quite a bit of sadness.
Yesterday was a rockin’ emotional mess. When I feel the sadness I ask myself what’s up and it’s as if a collage of everything making me feel sad flashes across my mind. I have to admit that this is not my usual response. Usually, it’s one or two things.
The sadness is arising from expected and unexpected sources.
Watching my friends put cavalier posts on FB like “I hope my rights will finally be taken care of,” (let’s finish that statement – so I can go out, flaunt my perfectly healthy self in the face of a disease that has no discernment as to who it takes out and who it doesn’t,) saddens me to the point that I don’t have words.
I wish I could put them in my body for a day – that would fix their little red wagon!
Realizing there is absolutely nothing I can do about this, I let the emotions wash over me.
Getting bold on social media I have responded with things like, “I am grateful that my right to live has been protected.”
Every day it seems I post something about COVID. Statistics that show how this thing ruins people’s lives. Takes out their loved ones, not somebody else’s.
Here is what I posted on FB today, in response to my deep sadness –
Many of you know I've been sick for 20 years or two decades, whichever you prefer. I became noticeably ill in 2001 and was finally diagnosed in mid-2017. I am still working on getting well after being on antibiotics for a year. Yes, that's a real treatment determined by an MD.
I was a ballet and jazz dancer and had lots of energy until I was 38 years old. Since that time I've tried EVERYTHING to get better and have spent an average of $10-$15K out of pocket for 15 of those years (or a good chunk of our retirement of >$150K) plus not having the energy to be with my family or children, to go on vacation, to be social. I napped every lunch hour from 2001 - 2013 just to get through the day. When I was no longer able to work in 2013 we had to file bankruptcy.
Did you know that most bankruptcies today are filed due to medical issues?
Take care of yourself - I didn't do anything wrong to get ill and you don't have to either. Wear a mask, gloves if you think you need them. Don't get too close to others. Be prudent about where you go. Listen to your instincts. Just because you like somebody doesn't mean they couldn't be a carrier. A disease doesn't pick on a-holes - it will take down anybody.
I see my friends doing this right now and wonder what they are thinking??? Can you explain this to me? I'll trade your health for mine and won't be cavalier with it.
I would hate for you to swing your *ick of health in COVID's face and end up like me... Really. I wouldn't wish it upon somebody I can't stand, let alone you - my friend. Love, S
A friend just wrote me on messenger and said “did you mean to say “swing your big *ick” on FB?” Yes, that is a crude male anatomy reference...
I said, “yes, I did. Some people aren’t listening and I thought to try a little shock value might help.” I also told her I don’t care what people think of me. If I can save a life by using some inappropriate language on FB, so be it.
Health Update
When I got here and could function, mostly, again, I set up the following goals for myself daily and not necessarily in this order:
- 10-min mat at 100 (this is my electro-magnetic mat that heals me from the cellular level)
- 10-min mat at 50
- 10-min mat at 25
- Bonus 10-min mat at 10
- Arms (workout)
- To Beach
- Chi Gong
- Meditate (I usually try to combine this with my first mat using Monroe Institutes online free meditations)
- Read Book
- Read Meditation (I mean daily meditation like the Language of Letting Go)
- Stretch (Yoga)
- Sleep Tracking
Each day I usually get my Sleep Tracking, as I’m trying to get that straightened out, Read Meditation, Meditate, and the first mat session at 100 done. If it’s a nice day outside I also get to the Beach.
I get outside every day no matter what, walking down to the post office or taking the garbage out.
This is in addition to life - medications, cleansing powders, etc.
There are two items, what I think of as “work,” that I brought with me I am working on finishing so those are not on my plate past this week.
One is helping my friend with her taxes and I think that will be mostly done this week, and the other is finishing an article. I will also endeavor to have that done.
Sleep
When I came to the beach I got myself two items that I thought would help in my spiritual awakening process and finding myself. One is a Samsung Fit watch, which has turned out to be fantastically helpful, and a Sonos speaker for my books on tape, music, what have you that has turned out to be lovely when it’s working.
I am in an isolated area, so WiFi is iffy and I have to use Data to download any SMS communications into messenger. I try to remember to turn on my Data a couple of times a day for a “dump.”
My sleep reality shocked me. I knew I wasn’t sleeping well, but I didn’t know I wasn’t sleeping this well.
- 5/4 6.48 hours
- 5/5 3.5/3.5 hours (6.2) + 1 + 1.1 (the additional sleep are naps)
- 5/6 3/2.2 hours (5.2)
Then I added in tracking sleeping pills (over the counter 25mg diphenhydramine approved by my doctors), as I do use those to help sort out my sleep (or just get some for heavens’ sake)
- 5/4 I (1 pill) 5.2 hours
- 5/5 II 3.4/1.4 hours (5.2) plus 1.45
- 5/6 II 5.4/1 hours (6.4)
- 5/7 II 4.5/2.4 hours (7.5)
- 5/8 II 3/4/1.4 hours (5.2) plus 1.45
- 5/9 II 5.4/1 hours (6.4)
Then I added the day of the week because my schedule is different weekend to weekday and on specific days. Like Mondays, as much as I try to protect them, seemed to be busy until yesterday.
- Sun 5/10 I 2/1/2.4 hours (5.4) plus 1
- Mon 5/11 0 1.1/2.5/1.4 hours (5)
- Tue 5/12 II 5.15/3 hours (8.15)
- Weds 5/13 0 1.45/2.1/2 hours (6)
- Weds 5/14 II 4.4/3 hours (7.4)
- Fri 5/15 II 7.2/2 hours (9.2)
- Sat 5/16 I 5/1 hours (6)
- Sun 5/17 I 2.25/1.5/2 hours (5.55)
After talking with a friend of mine about Monroe Institute, I got my act together and added that to my tracking with a checkmark.
- Mon 5/18 II (checkmark) 5/1.45 hours (6.45)
- Tue 5/19 II 4/5.5 hours (9.5)
Yesterday, Monday, was my emotionally messy day and I was in bed last night at 5:15 asleep at 7 or so and didn’t get my Monroe up and running.
Some days are just like that. I always allow myself grace as I know that I do my best each and every day!
What am I doing at the beach?
That’s hard to explain. How do we Spiritually Awaken?
Most of the time I feel like I’m wandering around asking myself simple questions like, do I want to do this today? Will this bring me joy? Why am I feeling this way? Amidst my calendar of items that I do to maintain and improve my health and well-being and doing life.
My goal while here until the end of June is to unearth the real me. I have been reading the book “Excavating your Authentic Self,” by the woman who wrote “Simple Abundance,” Sarah Ban Breathnach. I started a list of who I am and what I enjoy.
Going to town Sunday I went to the re-opened stores and picked up the tools that Sarah suggests for success in the book. Late yesterday I even had the wherewithal to read a chapter or two. Her chapters are short, which is a good thing as the book is Packed with reality.
Periodically, she asks us to work on an exercise. This is what my beginning looked like Monday.
She says we will collect pictures, poems, etc. for a month and then begin our journal.
I am noticing things like what I do well and makes me happy. I’m remembering who I was born to be and what parts of myself I may have hidden or lost along the way. My divorce was an eye-opener in many ways, so that’s been helpful.
Here is a poem I wrote and posted about my divorce right after I arrived –
My heart aches.
My heart aches for what we had.
My heart aches for how my body fit with yours.
My heart aches for having a port in every storm.
My heart aches for our friendship.
My heart aches because of what got in the way.
My heart aches for what could have been.
My heart aches that we will not grow old together.
My heart aches that there will be no more adventures.
My heart aches that there will be no more family.
My heart aches.
I’ll let you know how the self-discovery, reflection, health improvements, etc. went when I next post, early July!
May you all be as healthy and happy as possible during this strange time.
Here’s to good health!
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