Waking Up - Update on Step 2 Cleansing with Intranasal – 28
The process of being ill for 17 years and subsequently being diagnosed with a Mold Infection is so rich with personal and spiritual growth, I won’t bore you with everything. At one point I swore if anybody said to me that (fill in the blank) was an opportunity for growth, I thought I might punch somebody.
What I am noticing is that as I settle into life I am realizing, again, how much I have to offer. I say that without ego – they are my personal tools and we all have a set.
For example -
I am talking with a new friend who moved here from LA a week ago Sunday. I like her and because I was sick and in the house the five days prior, I gave her a ring.
We discussed the differences between LA and western Oregon, which are major. We talked about the differences even between the larger city and where we live. Both she and I agreed that it isn’t a bad place to be if you can put up with the quirky.
It can be pretty – I live right across the street from a wetlands bird refuge. My cat and I enjoy that immensely.
Sunrise from the bird sanctuary
Then she asked me how I am doing and I told her good.
She and I talked for 45-minutes about what I spend my time doing and her retirement from teaching.
After I shared with her the web site I’m close to launching, the people I work with in the 12-step program, my trips to Portland each month, my spiritual abilities, taking care of my health and other interests she said, “I thought all you did was knit!”
I immediately felt the warmth of pleasure come over me and realized, not for the first time in the last few months, that I am a talented, blessed individual. Not for one minute do I feel better than anybody else or like I should get a pat on the back, but what I thought about is how I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life using my personal tool set being of service.
For most of my life, until four (4) or five (5) years ago, I thought only other people with some special chip or dispensation in life were able to do what they love with life. I was so hard on myself, as taught in my difficult upbringing, that I was never good enough. Never felt whole and filled with purpose.
I always felt spiritually or energetically “pushed,” but never understood toward what.
Here’s another example -
The other day I was sitting among my peers and they all happened to be men. I looked around myself at one point in the conversation and thought that none of these men would do for me. Again, I say this without ego.
They are all good people. They, like me, have had a change in marital status late in life. It does not make them undesirable. I am not saying this in the spirit that I feel better than them because I do not.
What I am getting at is the responsibility of going in the direction I am being led by whatever you want to call the big energy that is larger than we are, be it scientific and/or spiritual. It is not simple being talented, having been given that talent specifically to help others.
Things can easily get in the way. My health, eating, relationships and personal work have all been challenging as I weigh each thing to do my best, as I am human, to continue with as much strength as possible to move toward being of more service.
I have three women mentors who live their lives this way. The first is single having been married at one time, the second has been married for a bazillion years (she claims that in the marriage she was like a man in that she had her career, traveled and did pretty much what she wanted - they are retired) and the third married later in life. They are still happily rolling along, not without their challenges.
The balance in the life of a talented, spiritual, giving individual can vary greatly depending on the person and the situation.
My aha that happens periodically. You'd think I would remember all of the time.
I believe that as my life continues to calm, my routine is re-established (with the caveat that said routine can be adjusted by life at any moment), my health improves and I am done for a bit with big (top five (5)) life changes, I am going to roll in the correct direction without impediment.
Getting into the rapids I will point my feet downstream, get my behind up (so as not to hit the rocks) and enjoy the ride feeling safe and secure in the knowledge that I am always taken care of proven to me thousands of times in my life..
I am dedicated to not getting side tracked.
I honestly never thought I would be here.
After all, I didn’t have the chip or special dispensation. The opposite, in fact, I have had one challenge after the other.
I know you have your own tool kit of special talents specifically yours. Don’t let the negative Nellie inside tell you otherwise. Embrace them, use them and live!
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